For me, Christmas is a time to connect with family, reflect on the year, enjoy delicious food … and engage in deeply competitive and often passive-aggressive battles over who has given the best presents. No, just me? My desire to be the best present giver is so strong that if I open an amazing present from someone else, my first thought is ‘damn it, this is good, it might cost me the title’.
I can’t be the only person who gets pleasure from finding someone the perfect present? So I thought I would provide you with a secret advantage for this year: An explanation of the Five Love Languages framework and how you can use it to get your loved ones the kind of present that they will appreciate the most (and in doing so, win Christmas).
The Love Languages is a framework developed by Gary Chapman around 30 years ago. It identifies five distinct ways we can communicate love, and then shows how much more effectively you can give and receive love by understanding your preferences and your loved ones’ preferences. The framework relates to the way we show love in everyday life, but I think it can be particularly useful when it comes to finding someone a present.
Below I have outlined the five love languages and given a few present suggestions for each. I think you can often correctly guess your loved ones’ love language just by reading the description, but if you’re having trouble, perhaps you could come up with a clever reason as to why they need to complete this quiz and send you the results!
How the Five Love Languages Can Help Gift Giving
Words of Affirmation
For people who prefer this love language, words speak louder than actions. They greatly appreciate kind and thoughtful compliments and being told that they are loved and appreciated. When it comes to finding a present for these people, the first priority is the card. Do not scribble a quick Merry Christmas on the back of a postcard. Instead, take the time to write a thoughtful card, reflecting on what you love and/or appreciate about them. You can double down by also giving a present based on words of affirmation. For example, this is one of my two top love languages, and one year I gave my husband the ultimate Words of Affirmation present: a deck of homemade cards, where I had written on each of the 52 cards something I loved about him. (He didn’t appreciate it nearly as much as I would have, as it’s not his love language).
Physical Touch
For people who prefer this love language, they appreciate all kinds of physical touch – hugs, holding hands, thoughtful touches of the arm or back (and of course, with a romantic partner, this list can be much longer). So for people you are very close to, you could consider giving them a homemade voucher for a massage or some coupons for hugs or cuddle time. You can also consider presents that don’t require your touch but still have a tactile element – like bath bombs or a cozy blanket.
Acts of Service
For people who prefer this love language, they feel most loved when someone helps ease their burden of responsibilities. The women who joke that their husband doing the dishes and taking the rubbish out is the best kind of foreplay are likely to have high scores for this preference. When it comes to presents, look for ways you can make this person’s life easier – perhaps it’s organising a meal box service for a couple of weeks, organising or offering to do some cleaning or tidying, vouchers for babysitters, dogwalkers, plant waterers. Although you want to have something to wrap up at Christmas, keep in mind that this person would likely appreciate it more if you spontaneously helped them out in small ways throughout the year – even in ways that may seem incredibly boring.
Quality Time
For people who prefer this love language, love is equal to undivided attention. Finding time in your calendar, putting away your phone and focusing fully on spending time with this person, whether it’s talking over a meal or doing an activity together, is the greatest way to show them love. It’s quite an easy one for gift-giving, as you can focus on giving them an experience you will share together – that could be theatre tickets, signing up for a cooking class, a designated date night or even just a coffee date. Also, if you catch up with this person over the Christmas period, don’t forget to find a way to give them some undivided attention.
Receiving Gifts
For people who prefer this love language, love is best communicated with really thoughtful gifts. Given the fact that I am writing this article, it will be no surprise that this is my strongest love language preference. It’s important to clarify that this love language is not about materialism – I actually do not really like ‘stuff’ – it’s about a gift being a really tangible symbol that someone has spent time and effort to think about you and what you would like. At first glance, it might seem like the easiest preference to buy a present for – but in fact, I think it’s the hardest because these people really care about what the present is. Some suggestions (of things I know I would appreciate), are anything personalised, subscriptions based on their passion or some form of photograph (framed print, photo book, customised mug). For these people, do not get them basic household items, regardless of how beautiful or how expensive they are.
I hope this article has sparked some ideas as you start off, as we all do, with excellent intentions of having all your Christmas presents sorted weeks in advance (conveniently ignoring the last ten years when you’ve had the same intention and still been shopping on the 23rd December). Another useful and extremely passive-aggressive way to use this article could be to send it on the 26th December to anyone who got you a sub-par present. No further explanation – they will get the message & you can raise your expectations for next year.
