Married Swiss and eating a lot of cheese – Erica Knecht

How did you meet your Swiss partner?

I had just graduated university and had no idea where to go next in life, so I decided to take a year in the Rocky Mountains and try to figure it all out. I was working in a fancy hotel. Rolf happened to be working there as a chef, and one evening our paths crossed at the staff pub. And not too long after that, we up and left for India. Let’s just say my parents were NOT ENTHUSIASTIC about my plan. But, I accomplished my goal of moving to the Rockies and figuring out where to go next. 😉

How did you decide (or not) to call Switzerland home?

Switzerland was always a vague notion of somewhere we might end up, but never anything more than that. We are not ones to have a long-term plan (see also: deciding on a whim to move to India.) After 15 years in Asia, my husband was really craving the familiarity of his home country, and we both wanted a slower, more intentional sort of life, an escape from the rat race, more time together. And so, here we are, a year later,

How do you deal with two languages at home? How do you encourage the “minority” language?

Well…this is…complicated. My husband speaks English at a near-native level. I tried learning German when we lived in Japan (Do. Not. Recommend.) and never was able to progress much beyond “The ducks swim in the lake.” So we kept English as our home language. Our kids have learned (and forgotten!)  a handful of different languages over the years. Now, they’re on their way to being proficient in German. We still speak in English at home and my German has only *slightly* improved.

What have been some challenges?

There are certain cultural differences which pop up and sometimes cause friction, notably around noise and disturbing the neighbours. My husband is probably a little more formal than me and more deferential to authorities. Also, we have very different notions about what constitutes a balanced meal (me: must-have vegetables; him: must have cheese.) But on the whole, neither one of us is terribly entrenched in our country of origin’s cultural norms. So many years living abroad has in a way, softened our hard edges and made us more similar.

What is your favourite thing about being married Swiss?

Well, I guess I just really like my particular Swiss. He’s open and warm and a great person to talk to. He has this natural ability to be in nature, to know how to light a fire, to understand potential dangers, to read a map. I find that quite compelling. He knows how to pick a good piece of cheese. And make something delicious for dinner when we have nothing in the fridge. He’s really outgoing, helpful, and kind. Also, that being married to a Swiss has brought me to this beautiful country.

Your familiy’s favourite meal:

How can I choose just one???  I think our best celebration meal would probably be raclette, especially since my littlest kid has just decided she likes it. Side note: the very first thing we bought after landing here and getting our apartment was a raclette machine.

What’s something from your home culture that you’ve introduced into your family?

We’ve spent so long in Asia, all our kids were born there, and I don’t feel a huge tie to my Canadian roots. At the same time, we’re not particularly Swiss. Sometimes I try to remember to celebrate Canadian Thanksgiving, but it often gets forgotten. We are celebrating Chinese New Year this year, and feeling kind of sad that this is the first time we won’t watch a Lion Dance or see fireworks.

(In non-pandemic times) Do you get to go back “home” often?

It depends on the season of life and how far I have to travel. I was less inclined to visit Canada when it meant a 36-hour trip solo with three kids! My parents usually come to visit once a year, and more or less, I have tried to go back with the kids once a year too. Though I haven’t been back now in three years, and who knows when I might next get back.

What is the first thing you grab/eat when you arrive back in Canada? And when you return to Switzerland?

I feel like I can’t answer this question! I have no idea what I wanna eat in Canada. I don’t even like poutine!

Let’s say, the first thing I’d grab if I went back to Malaysia would be a dosa masala at the Ganga Cafe in Kuala Lumpur. My big kids are longing for xiao long bao from Shanghai. And all my littlest wants to eat is cervelat.

I suppose coming back to Switzerland after so many years abroad, the thing I was most excited about was seasonal fruit. It’s so beautiful to taste something that is in peak ripeness when you have a limited window in which to enjoy it.

Has being married Swiss-made integrating easier?

Absolutely! My husband is really outgoing and involved in community events. He’s met a ton of people – he’s on great terms with our local butcher, our local bike repair guy, the people at the creamery. Whenever I walk past the shops, people wave at me, and that’s entirely because my husband gives them good chat every time he visits.  Through that, I feel like I really have a place in our little town. It also makes understanding things like how to do garbage day much easier. Ha.

When have you both had to make compromises because of cultural differences?

For me, it just keeps coming back to food, doesn’t it! But, after eating dairy-free for several years, I decided that now we live in Switzerland potatoes and cheese is a viable dinner option, and it’s actually fine to slather three ounces of butter onto your bread. *wink emoji*

But more seriously, I think when it comes to cultural differences, it’s less about compromise and more about how important the particular cultural point is to each partner. There are areas where I’ve been nudged more towards my husband’s point of view on something he really cares about (noisy kids, for example!), and areas where he’s come closer to my way of seeing things.

That being said, both of us have lived so long outside our respective passport countries, and we’ve softened the hard edges of our cultural identity.

Any humorous misunderstandings?

OMG, THE NOISE THING. When we were newly living together in Canada, my husband got really concerned about my wanton use of the toilet flush and laundry machine late in the evening. I thought he was just pathologically concerned for our neighbours and was low-key worried about that. Fast forward about 16 years, and now I GET IT!

How do you deal with the question of Samichlaus/Santa Claus /Christkindli and other cross-cultural traditions?

We just kind of do a crazy mess of everything, half cobbled together, when and if we remember. This year Samichlaus comes to our house on the 6th of December (and my kids were very confused by this but delighted to hear how he’d been keeping an eye on their good deeds and silly foibles). We do Santa Claus in the morning of the 25th, though my kids always lobby pretty hard for presents on the 24th as well. Sometimes the Christmas Angels come on the 24th in the evening. Sometimes ….uhhh….they don’t.

2 Duvets or 1?

 ONE. Well, no. Fine. Two. But that’s because I just recently got a weighted blanket for myself, and I don’t want to admit the Swiss way is better, okay? But, aesthetically, one is just more appealing.

Is Switzerland now home?

I can’t say we’ve been here long enough for us to say we’re home here,  and no one can ever know what the future will bring. Nevertheless, the intention of coming here was to make it our forever home.