Married Swiss and addicted to Swiss referendum discussions – Sabrina Sasaki

How did you meet your Swiss partner?

It was 2015 when I had just arrived back in Japan for my 2nd sabbatical time travelling around the world. As we were both tourists at a guesthouse in Kyoto, Tugi asked for ideas about what to do around town, so I recommended the Arashiyama bamboo forest with a monkey sanctuary where the animals are set free, which is quite unique in a country with a zoo culture and animals kept in small spaces. As a biologist himself, he liked my tips and came to show me some of his photos later.

We then ended up checking out Nintendo’s old HQ (two blocks from the guesthouse) and extended our ‘short’ walk to over six hours. Together we enjoyed one of the most special summer festivals by the riverside, Tanabata, the star festival, which celebrates the night when the deities Orihime and Hikoboshi (represented by the stars Vega and Altair) go on a date. A very romantic and unique way to start our love story, indeed.

Looking back, it was a very unusual lucky encounter, considering all the odds against us, and we still can’t believe it actually worked out so well. Overall, it’s been over five and a half years of a Swiss-Brazilian love story!

How did you decide (or not) to call Switzerland home? Was that before or after getting together?

After over three years together, two of which we had spent together in Japan, Switzerland became ‘home’. Before that, the first year of our relationship consisted of meeting somewhere between Kyoto and Zurich, taking vacation breaks around Switzerland and Japan, Turkey, Thailand, France or even as far as Brazil. So we had to make a bet on this new possible relationship, and I’m glad he took the first step, as my honeymoon with Kyoto and the job at the company I still work for nowadays had just kicked off the week we first met in Japan.

I admired my partner’s courage to leave his comfort zone to move with me to a third country, where neither of us spoke the native language or understood cultural nuances. It was extremely challenging to adapt to each other’s style of living in a typical 30m2 shoebox apartment (a single/couple place where students and Foreigners tend to live in Japan). Still, it was proof of resilience and patience we developed towards each other’s mindset and pace.

Europe wasn’t exactly on my plans, and the Swiss lifestyle is definitely something new for me. And most of all, Switzerland is very far from what I was looking for when I met Tugi in Japan. To be honest, I knew so little about real life in Switzerland that I didn’t know what to expect from it.

I had a stereotypical image of the Swiss as French-speaking people gathering in Geneva for all NGOs and international institutions or financial professionals in Zurich as a banking/insurance hub. Switzerland sounded like this cold, expensive travel destination that wasn’t on my priority list.

How do you deal with two languages at home? How do you encourage the “minority” language?

As we don’t have a common mother tongue (he’s a native Swiss German and Turkish, while I’m a native Portuguese speaker fluent in English and Spanish), we speak English. But I tend to use Japanese as our secret language (which he doesn’t remember as much as I do). We tend to mix expressions and vocabularies from all other languages we speak, but I have no understanding of Swiss German, a concept Tugi introduced to me after we met. I still get confused whenever I hear “Gruezi” or “merci!” (that’s how bad my Swiss German listening is).

What have been some challenges?

Besides language, culture, and weather differences, which I’ve had to overcome before living in other countries, it’s hard to adapt to this specific new local culture that has so little to do with my background and interests. And working from home (even pre-pandemic) for a Japanese company as ANobAG (Employee of a non-Swiss resident employer) and mainly speaking English with US-time based teams has not made it easier.

I’m not really integrated into the local community, and I don’t relate to most Brazilian immigrants I met here neither to expatriates. So perhaps I’d need more time to get to know different local groups.

I grew up in a huge city but close to warm beaches, enjoying humid rainforest hiking trails, staying out until late, mingling between large crowds with live music and lots of night dancing. In Kyoto, our new dynamic was all about enjoying seasonal street festivals and tasting new flavours, cycling towards Buddhist temples to check out gardens, appreciating narrow streets with small local shops.

Moving to Zurich from Kyoto, which is by far my fav city in the world – and the place I miss every single day – has been a challenging change I’m still getting used to, especially in the long winter season.

What is your favourite thing about being married Swiss?

Besides all the beautiful Swiss landscapes and all the Swiss-made things that look minimalist and work well, I have a great appreciation for the voting system.

As I was part of a Political Science campus at university, we studied different democratic systems, and the Swiss one is outstanding. I admire the Swiss for participating in their community decision-making process and this strong sense of accountability that is so weak in countries like Brazil or even Japan. I enjoy researching every vote in Switzerland, trying to understand both sides, but definitely as a leftist.

Having a Swiss in our family has a very powerful impact. The fact that Switzerland has a historical ‘neutrality’ in world affairs has always been a thing foreigners are curious about, and Swiss soft power does add value when we travel.

Your family’s favourite meal:

It all depends on our mood- a mix of salmon sashimi with Japanese rice, a lot of Italian and Mediterranean flavours, a bit of Indian, Thai and other Asian types of food. For winter, definitely Appenzell fondue or Japanese curry, occasionally flammkuchen.

What’s something from your home culture that you’ve introduced into your multicultural relationship?

I was exposed early on to many influences beyond Brazilian-Italian and Japanese standards. For example, pouring over strong filtered coffee is a morning ritual, like our wake up alarm back home, as its smell spreads all over neighbours. I introduced mate tea, alfajores de dulce de leche and empanadas from Argentina, Portuguese desserts like pastéis de nata or any sort of egg desserts like queijada or travesseiros de Sintra, dorayaki and many sweet bean snacks from Japan.

Every time I travel to Japan, I bring a bag full of treasures – besides noodles (soba, udon), dashi (fish broth), nori (dried edible seaweed), furikake, shoyu, etc.

We don’t eat Brazilian food so often, but always have a stock of supplies like Brazilian black beans and farofa de mandioca (yam’s toasted cassava flour mixture.)

(In non-pandemic times) Do you get to go back “home” often?

As I’m a remote worker, I try to go back to both ‘homes’ (Brazil and Japan) at least once a year – it takes about the same time to fly from Zurich (12h). I’m going to visit Brazil twice, even during the pandemic. Japan has adopted many policies that made it difficult for me to visit my Japanese relatives (I used to be a resident of Kyoto when the pandemic started but not anymore).

What is the first thing you grab/eat when you arrive back to Brazil or Japan? And when you return to Switzerland?

Whenever I land in Sao Paulo, my pace quickens, and I run to get a mate tea with Brazilian ‘pão de queijo’, before the traffic jam starts. In Santos, a laid-back seaside city where my mom lives, I feel at home once I have all the tropical fruits (like mamão papaya) and fresh coconut water straight from the source while enjoying the local sea breeze. Things I miss most are all fresh seafood like “moqueca capixaba” (fish stew), bobó de camarão (shrimp purée of cassava) and pirão de peixe (cassava broth).

I grew up with Italian-Brazilian cuisine influences, which landed on our daily table more often than typical traditional dishes like feijoada (Brazilian beans).

When I land in Japan, I go straight to the Kaiten Sushi at the airport (these belt sushis), where you can get delicious fresh-made sushi for CHF15. But, unfortunately, my diet has suffered a lot from losing the Japanese cuisine’s variety (Washoku) which is based on a simple preparation of rice, miso soup and side dishes made with a variety of seasonal ingredients from veggies to seafood.

When I arrive back in Zurich, I stop at Migros at the airport to purchase all the Italian ingredients, madeleines and Movenpick chocolate ice cream that made me gain some extra weight here.

Has being married Swiss-made integrating easier?

I guess it helps in many ways. Some of the things I love about Tugi are related to the fact that he was born and raised in a Swiss-German environment: a logical, reasonable, polite kind of person, always careful and mindful about others. He shares many great values Swiss usually care for, in general, more low-profile, humble and discrete.

As I’m the opposite, having lived in Japan allowed me to change my habits to match more careful towards others, so Tugi helps me to understand Swiss values that seem so different from someone raised in a city like Sao Paulo, where time is always against you and you better hurry before it’s too late for any appointments you might have on your schedule.

Personal space is a thing here as much as in Japan, and I’m still learning how to observe things around me.

Marriage is about compromise, especially when blending two cultures. Can you think of a good story of when you have had both compromises because of your two different cultures?

I wish there were only two countries between us to choose from … we have actually four cultures completely different from each other.

Multicultural backgrounds bring many challenges, from the basic topics of whether or not to have a wedding party, for instance. If so, in which countries/languages? Each one of us has relatives in different countries, not to mention extended family. Only his sister can speak English; everyone else needs support with translations. His mom only speaks Turkish, my mom only Portuguese, my father’s side only Japanese, so we got married at the Zurich City hall with mainly our parents and his sister present. We also decided to work on yearly honeymoons in different places, closer to where our relatives are.

Any humorous misunderstandings?

There were so many funny stories with my Japanese relatives that I can’t even remember them all!

As a collectivist society (especially in the countryside area), they were at first happy when I decided to move to Japan but later became worried about the fact that I was single and living alone. So after they heard I was dating a Swiss banker, it became the family’s trendy topic. It sounded like I was building my way up towards a ‘good marriage’ for their standards. The reality that my boyfriend’s family were actually immigrants from Turkey didn’t matter much for them; it had to do with all the symbols, something so strong for them.

Being a Foreign myself, they were incredibly supportive from the start – a week after I had met Tugi, I went to visit my grandma in the countryside of Japan. She was already waiting for me with a “small gift” in order to buy my flights to Switzerland: I was told that as a 31 yrs-old single woman, it was about time to make a life commitment. This would never happen in Brazil! Apparently, 32 yrs old is considered a bad luck age for Japanese females, so I should try to arrange my wedding as soon as possible because I wouldn’t find a better husband than him! She wasn’t wrong, and I appreciated her support. The reasons why I decided to marry were more practical – we wanted to be together no matter where.

In Brazil, many people still think that we’re rich by the fact we live in Switzerland – which is definitely not the case. So when we travelled to Rio, we used the Turkish husband label instead of Swiss, so we’d avoid being a target for thieves.

How do you deal with the question of Samichlaus/Santa Claus /Christkindli/Christmas or other cross-cultural traditions applicable to your relationship?

Tugi’s background is Turkish, and my mom is super catholic (we don’t have a strong Santa/Xmas tree culture), so Christmas has always been a very unique experience for both of us.

Our first Xmas together was in Japan (not a holiday), then in Spain and later in Brazil. We have never spent winter holidays in Switzerland together, as this is the most important time of the year for my mom and my main excuse to get some sunlight.

His first Christian Xmas was when we visited my family for New Year, which happens during summertime in Brazil. We had a simple meal, prayed together, and enjoyed each other’s company. My family never had a tradition of exchanging gifts, so it’s all about family time.

I think Japan has trained us well to have an outsider look at our own family traditions. We’re both very sceptical about religions – I adopted many Buddhist and Shinto values to my mainly Catholic education.

2 Duvets or 1?

2, no doubt! I’m always the one moving too much (I can’t sleep straight)

I can’t believe this option isn’t a standard in Brazil! I recently bought a new Brazilian duvet cover designed by my friend and forgot about this detail. So now this colourful tropical pattern is like a piece of decoration in our room with no other purpose.

Is Switzerland now home?

It’s where my current fiscal residence and domicile is, but not sure for how long it will be called ‘home’. I’d need to study German or French and learn some Swiss German to feel like I’m ready to settle down here for a while.