Written by both Kristin Reinhard and Ellen Jobling
There are no shortage of personality tests and frameworks that promise to unlock the secret to a perfect life, but in reality, just provide you with a couple of mildly entertaining insights and are quickly forgotten. In contrast, the Four Tendencies framework created by author Gretchen Rubin does not promise to make you rich, beautiful and listened to by your children – it simply provides a framework to better understand how you respond to external expectations and internal expectations. And while typically used by people to help them with everyday habits such as exercising more, scrolling less and eating better, we, Ellen and Kristin, wondered whether people could harness their individual tendency to feel happier in Switzerland?
For this article, we have selected three specific examples of common challenges facing foreigners in Switzerland (recycling, learning the local language and integrating into the local community) and will walk through how each of the four tendencies could respond and best tackle each example. Hopefully, you find a tip or two that can help you to master a challenge you are facing and get rid of the guilt.
But, to start with, let’s give you a quick rundown of the framework.
What is the Four Tendencies?
The Four Tendencies is a framework created by Gretchen Rubin, writer of several books on happiness and habits. Essentially, the framework divides people into four categories based on how they respond to external expectations (a work deadline, an exam, a law, a social norm, a scheduled appointment) and internal expectations (a personal resolution to eat better, write more, spend less etc.).
These are the four categories (and if you can’t easily recognise yourself in one of the categories, head here to take a very short quiz to find out your tendency):
- An Upholder readily meets external and internal expectations. They can be relied upon to meet deadlines and follow rules, and they are those (crazy) people who will actually follow through on their New Year’s resolutions. Although it seems ideal, a challenge for Upholders is the risk of becoming too rigid in a messy world that sometimes requires flexibility.
- A Questioner questions all expectations and will meet them only if they make sense. They will resist following a rule or meeting a deadline if it seems arbitrary or unnecessary. In essence, they make all expectations internal. A challenge for Questioners is that they can overanalyse situations and waste time questioning external expectations that are simply not going to change.
- An Obliger is someone who readily meets external expectations but may struggle to meet internal expectations. This person has no problem meeting a work deadline (or following slightly draconian recycling rules) but may struggle to follow through with a personal resolution to get up earlier. A challenge for the Obliger is making sure they are not always putting others above themselves.
- A Rebel resists all expectations, both external and internal. These are the people who hate the very idea of expectations and want to feel complete control and independence over their time and actions. Rebels decide what to do based on what they feel matches their identity, not based on expectations.
But how to use your tendency to help with Swiss Life?
Example 1: Recycling in Switzerland
Recycling in Switzerland is simply something you have to do – it is a non-negotiable external expectation. However, depending on your tendency, you may have different reactions to these rules. There are ways to harness your tendency and readily meet the expectation to recycle while reducing any frustration you might have towards it.
- Upholders: “Tell me how, and I will do it”: All an Upholder needs to be a successful recycler in Switzerland is to know the rules. Give them the list, show them how to tie up a perfectly bundled pile of newspapers, guide them to the local recycling station and the rest will take care of itself. Upholders, though beware, once you have gotten the knack of it, don’t forget that other tendencies may have a stumbling block or two to conquer before they have it as mastered as you already do.
- Questioners “Tell me why it’s important”: For a questioner, they need to understand the reasons for recycling and agree that it is worthy of their time and attention. Some questioners will be happy to accept the general principle that recycling is good for the environment. Other questioners may need more detail – they may want to do specific research on how Switzerland handles its recycled materials. Questioners should do as much research as they need in order to believe in the purpose of recycling, and then they will have no problem meeting this expectation.
- Obligers “Set the expectation, and I will recycle” : I have to say upfront – this country was built by Obligers, for Obligers. There are so many external expectations (i.e. rules and social norms) and enormous pressure to meet them. Regarding recycling, Obligers will likely accept quickly that this will need to become part of their weekly routine. A stumbling block for Obligers might be the fear of not correctly understanding or following the specific rules. They can try to address this by looking for some resources online (this article has a good general overview) or, even better, asking a friendly Swiss person for a quick lesson.
- Rebels “Don’t remind me. Otherwise, I won’t do it”: Rebels are going to find the exception of regular recycling, and it’s one very acceptable way of doing it, a challenge. So best leave people who lean towards this tendency to their own devices and let them deal with the repercussions. And no, nagging will not help. It may actually cause them to resist, resulting in the recycling piling up. Another way to appeal to a rebel is to associate recycling with their identity as an environmentalist. Pop on the latest David Attenborough on Netflix and let the message do the (indirect) work. A Rebel may want to look into a pick-up service for their recycling—that way, they don’t need to adhere to the restrictive Recycling Center opening hours or sorting rules.
Example 2: Learning the Local Language
For the most part, learning the local language is not something that you have to do – but something that many newcomers to Switzerland wish to do. It is inherently an internal expectation, and there is a big difference in how the different tendencies can go about trying to meet this internal expectation.
- Upholders “I want to learn German, so I will”: Upholders will have successfully reached a challenging personal goal in the past, so once they decide they want to learn the local language, it will be as simple as determining which method and mapping out a learning path (that they will actually stick to – every Obliger’s dream). But upholders beware, you don’t want your strict learning schedule getting in the way of actually getting out into the big wide world and practicing!
- Questioners “I learn because it makes sense”: Questioners will not passively accept the assumption that learning the local language is something people ‘should’ do. On the contrary, they need to dig into the question of why they want to learn in the first place and why it would be valuable. If a Questioner decides it is something they really want, they will usually have little trouble finding the motivation to follow through. A possible challenge for questioners could be analysis paralysis when it comes to selecting the method and tools for learning the language, as they will be determined to pick the absolute ‘best’ way. They should remind themselves ‘to not let perfect be the enemy of good’.
- Obligers “I want to learn, so I’ve signed up for the Exam”: The trick to help Obligers meet internal expectations is to add elements of external accountability – essentially turning it into an external expectation. For this example, it is much more likely that an Obliger would attend a scheduled in-person language lesson than sit down and do two hours of self-directed study each evening. Obligers should consider what external accountability would work best for them. Maybe it’s signing up to an official exam, finding an accountability buddy to learn alongside or giving your Swiss family or neighbours a date when they should stop speaking to you in English (harsh, but in my experience, effective).
- Rebels “I don’t need your pressure, or my own”: Rebels love the freedom to choose, as well as going against the grain, so learning the local language through a traditionally structured classroom timetable may end in frustration. Rebels could think outside the box and look for unconventional or experimental methods for language acquisition without strict schedules. If you want to help a rebel, best give them a list of options and let them choose. If they feel any pressure from you or even themselves, they are more likely to resist and not learn anything.
Example 3: Integrating into the community
The expectation to integrate is two-fold: firstly, you want to integrate (internal expectation) into Swiss life, and those around you want you to as well (external). And while integrating is no easy task, with many different approaches possible, knowing how you tick may be just the little touch of help you need.
- Upholder “I’ve got a plan”: While it may seem Upholders always have it easier than other tendencies when it comes to integrating, they may struggle with no clear integration plan. So Upholders could try making integration into one big experiment, giving themselves targets to work towards. This could be something like testing our three new Vereins (Clubs) or speaking with three new people a week. Or what about inviting over a different Swiss connection each month. The structure of a target-driven project appeases the upholder mentality and helps them wade through the murky waters of integration.
- Questioners “I know why I want to integrate”: Again, with a questioner, the important thing is to understand the ‘why’. Why is it important to integrate into the local community? – a personal question that everyone will answer differently. If a Questioner truly does not believe that integrating into the local community is important – perhaps because they don’t plan to stay long term or are comfortable within their ex-pat community – then the goal of integrating is mostly a lost battle.
- Obligers “I am here and ready to help”: Obligers sometimes feel bad that they are obligers (why can’t I do this thing that I know I want to do!). But it is important to mention that Obligers truly are the backbone of every community; they are the sustaining force behind most, if not all, community organisations, initiatives, and events. When it comes to joining a new community, it can always be difficult initially, so Obligers should look for more structured ways to get involved. Look to joining a Verein (local club), volunteering at a school event or signing up for a fun class (or a not so fun class, like Crossfit). The potential struggle is getting out of something, as once they feel involved and committed, they hate the idea of letting someone down.
- Rebel “I will integrate in my own good time, but only if I choose to”: There is no need for a rebel to assess if they are motivated to integrate or not because they will just do it – or not – on their timeline. There is no need to threaten them (they probably don’t care about getting a passport or not), and pestering them can actually put a stop to a well-intentioned rebels integration effort. So, if asked, give them a list of options that can help them (like low commitment “drop in” hobby or sports group) and leave the rest up to them.
So now that you know your tendency and how it can apply to some real-life challenges, how will you harness your tendency to conquer Swiss life?
