Married Swiss and in Search of Home – Annie Fitzsimmons

How did you meet your Swiss partner?

We both work in the travel industry so we met at a conference long before anything actually happened between us. One day, over cocktails, I’m happy to tell the uncensored version, haha.

How did you (or not) decide to call Switzerland home?

When we met, we were both living in New York City, so it wasn’t an immediate question. It became more of one when I got pregnant. If it was just us, I think we’d probably still be in NYC and maybe forever. We are in London now, so much closer to Switzerland. The dream, of course, is to have a foot in both countries.

How do you deal with two languages at home? How do you encourage the “minority” language?

We have a 2-year-old daughter, Sophie, and Alex speaks exclusively in Swiss German to her, while I speak English. It amazes me how she understands everything and it is so funny how she uses certain Swiss German words when she’s speaking English, like “I was Angst [scared] when I saw the lions at the zoo” or “I need my Finkli [slippers]!”

Sophie loves walking on those short walls in front of London houses, and one day out of the blue, she was walking on one and said “Daddy says Mürli, Mama says wall.” So funny—that’s when we realized she really comprehends that we speak two different languages.

I understand high German much better and sometimes wish that was what he spoke, so I could learn more! But of course, he is Swiss and the language is such a huge part of who he is and we want Sophie to appreciate and understand her heritage, and speak Swiss German.

What have been some challenges?

My biggest struggle right now is figuring out where our long-term home is. I am American, Alex is Swiss, we live in London, and have a Swiss-American daughter. Where is the right place for us long-term? I am a city girl (I was National Geographic’s first and only Urban Insider, traveling and reporting on cities around the world for many years), love diversity and all the things cities offer—restaurants, museums, musicals, theater (I miss them so much right now!). I never thought I could leave New York. We chose to move to London as it seemed like an easier life with a child, while still being in an amazing global city. I’m not nearly “done” with London. I have really grown to love it, despite these COVID times.

But our challenge is that—do we move to Switzerland and send Sophie to the amazing schools there, either public or international school? I would aim to get my Swiss passport, then. Do we move back to Brooklyn and settle back into that crazy but wonderful life? Of course, it depends on our jobs but my job, in general, has always been very flexible on location, though better to be in a big city! Alex’s job has typically depended much more on location. Sometimes, I dream of ending up in a place like Austin, Texas!

I recently had a pretty traumatic late-term pregnancy loss, and think we have come to the conclusion that we will only have one child together. I always thought we’d move to Switzerland with two young kids, but what does that mean for our life now that we will only have one?

We agree that we are happy in London now, that we haven’t had a chance to really experience it because of COVID and we see ourselves in the U.K. for at least the next few years. My biggest wish is to give Sophie a sense of home, with an appreciation for her cultural background. How lucky she is to already have two passports at age 2. (We did take advantage of that before COVID, and took her to Brazil, Argentina, Italy, my home state of Arizona, California, and more!)

But—you never know what life brings.

I need to also mention the food in Switzerland. It is challenging for me. There is basically one, maximum two, options of anything at the grocery store. I’m very happy in the Globus food hall, though.

One thing I really, really wish Switzerland did better was salads. Why does every salad have corn in it and is covered with a white, creamy dressing? The produce is so incredible and they could make the best-chopped salads in the world. But they are mostly gloopy corn and iceberg salads.

Alex also would probably eat fondue once a week – but it feels like a brick in my stomach after I eat it, so I can handle it once a year, preferably after a long day of being active outside.

And finally, I see a bit of a challenge with women and working culture in Switzerland. (Alex totally disagrees with me here.) Many kids go home to eat a lunch cooked by Mama and childcare is not as easy or affordable as it is in places like Sweden and Germany. I love my job, want to work and show Sophie that she should love her job and aim for the stars. But there is definitely a sense that Switzerland is not as progressive on family issues as other places. You see this in the divorce and alimony laws, too. It has been rather surprising to me.

What is your favourite thing about being married Swiss?

I have always loved Switzerland, long before I met Alex.  Actually, Germany, Austria, and Switzerland. I spent time in Vienna in college, absolutely love Germany (I think I could live in Berlin), and now feel more at home in Switzerland, even more now that I have a Swiss daughter.

Switzerland is a dream destination for travelers. As someone who works in and promotes travel, it is everything you expect it to be—jaw-droppingly beautiful, easy, seamless, and expensive (ha!).

So my favorite thing is that I will always have a connection to this beautiful country. It is a bit of a dream world in many ways (and of course, has problems that are not really seen by tourists) and I always joke Alex could have been from somewhere ugly, but I’m happy he’s Swiss.

I also get to show my family this beautiful country. We had many American friends and family fly in for our wedding, and it was wonderful to see them fall in love with Switzerland even more.

I love the connections I’ve made with people living in Switzerland on Instagram and through mutual introductions. It is very special to be living there, or married Swiss, and it’s a fun little club to find yourself a part of.

I love the dog culture here, how they’re so loved and you see them in restaurants everywhere and on hikes—our dog Rocco is the best version of himself whenever he has been in Switzerland.

And I love Swiss breakfast. Our friends had us over for breakfast last year, and the spread was incredible—fruit and yogurt, croissants, local meats and cheeses, whole grain breads, smoked salmon, jam, and more.

I think it is a misconception that the Swiss are not funny. Alex is very, very funny and, with his job, has the ability to make big audiences of Americans and Brits laugh out loud often. Most Swiss that I know have a smart, witty sense of humor.

Your families favourite meal:

In the winter, there is nothing better than a bowl of gerstensuppe, or Swiss barley soup with little bits of ham hock or smoked bacon. Some versions are creamier than others, but a bowl of that with some fresh Swiss bread is the best lunch or dinner ever.

I also love Ghackets mit Hörnli, which is macaroni, ground beef and…applesauce!  I remember first ordering it from room service at the Chedi Andermatt, but it’s available almost everywhere. Best paired with a long hike! Alex’s dad is an amazing cook, and I love everything he has ever made for us.

What’s something from your home culture that you’ve introduced into your multicultural relationship?

I would say a lot of food items (I have a drawer of American food like Trader Joe’s Everything But the Bagel seasoning for avocados!) and TV. This is just Alex, but he never watched shows like Friends and The West Wing! I was obsessed with Friends for a good decade.

(In non-pandemic times) Do you get to go back “home” often?

Part of the reason we moved to London was so we could go back to Switzerland more.

I believe closing borders for this long is xenophobic and ineffective, and I really hope the governments can get it together to put a plan in place to resume freedom of movement.

It is not all about holidays—it is about families and seeing children. Alex normally goes back once a month, and I’d say we go four times a year. We are booked to be there two weeks in July. Every summer, we have spent time in a mountain town, and so far we’ve been to Pontresina, Lenzerheide, Wengen, and Zermatt. In other times, we’ve gone to Klosters, Melchsee-Frutt, Andermatt, Gstaad, and many more places.

What is the first thing you grab/eat when you arrive back in the USA? And when you visit Switzerland?

In America and especially NYC, I miss so many things. I miss real iced coffee and real green juices; real New York pizza and bagels. Oh, and the Starbucks spinach feta wrap. Real Mexican food in Arizona and Texas.  But I’d probably say number one is the basic egg and cheese on a roll from Lassen & Hennigs in Brooklyn Heights, where we lived before London. It’s absolutely perfect.

In Switzerland, a pretzel from Brezelkönig, of course! And a coffee at Spettacolo at Zurich airport before we take the train.

Has being married Swiss-made integrating easier?

I haven’t had to really integrate much yet. I really wish there was a fast-track way to learn the language. I have to put in the time, and I don’t have the time now.

I often feel so clunky when we’re there, and not fully myself. Sometimes I feel like if we really spoke the same language, people would know the “real” me.

His friends are amazing and most of them speak perfect English, but it is not easy for me. There are pauses of 2-3 seconds sometimes, and conversation doesn’t flow as easily as it does when I’m with my friends (obviously).

Jokes can fall flat, because of the clunkiness, and to this day, when I hug his family, I think they’re surprised. Alex shakes his dad’s hand to say hello and good-bye. (They are wonderful people.)

Alex speaks better English than me (he was in the USA for 16 years), so he never has trouble with language-related issues—more cultural ones involving music or TV!

When have you both had to make compromises because of cultural differences?

I can’t think of one culturally, but our compromises always involve time. Where we will spend time, who will we spend holidays with, who will we see when we’re there?

Of course, Alex has so many good friends in Switzerland, and his family—what is the balance of who we see and when? I’m still a tourist in many ways when we go, and I want to see new hotels, find new hikes, eat at new restaurants. Alex is home. It’s different.

Any humorous misunderstandings?

I’d say cultural inconsistencies related to language—Alex does not know American nursery rhymes, for example. Take This Little Piggy Goes to Market. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t know this rhyme in America. So one time he texted me: What does the second little piggy do? Does it also go to market? It made me laugh out loud.

He also didn’t understand the meaning behind phrases like first base, second base, and I’m not referring to American baseball—ha!

How do you deal with the question of Samichlaus/Santa Claus /Christkindli/Christmas or other cross-cultural traditions applicable to your relationship?

This just came up, as Sophie gets older! In my house, Santa came on Christmas Eve and left a big pile of gifts on Christmas morning. For Alex, it was different.

I can’t comprehend the concept of December 6, that Santa comes then! And I don’t like the idea of children being told they’re “bad” or “naughty” and getting coal in their stocking.

My hope is that Santa can be a magical being, but we don’t raise her with thinking there is a real, jolly Santa Claus coming down the chimney. I didn’t like how I felt when I realized Santa wasn’t real, around 7 or 8 years old.

But we will fully integrate the magical Swiss Christmas markets into our holiday traditions! I love the Einsiedeln market– and Swiss baking, of course. I recently interviewed Luisa Weiss, author of Classic German Baking, for AFAR – and I love her entire section on Christmas baking, including recipes for Basler Brunsli and Zimtsterne. The whole book is a treasure for anyone who loves German baking traditions.

Is Switzerland now home?

It isn’t home right now. In a way, it does feel like coming home when we land there. I always feel lucky to be there, but definitely still feel like a visitor coming to the magic land.

I really don’t know, though. I feel like I need to spend a full month or two if we were to really consider living there full-time. I don’t want to make any future decision before we do that.