Married Swiss and loving my family – Madhurya Müller

How did you meet your Swiss partner?

Only a few weeks after I moved from Dubai to Switzerland to work in a multi-national company, I met my husband Mike, back then just my colleague, on our company’s Name day (May 22 to be precise). With his Asian/ Middle Eastern looks and his intense knowledge about various cultures, thanks to the business trips he took to different countries, including India, I was able to talk to him freely about everything.

Before I knew it, I had fallen hard. But what made me realize I made the best decision of my life was when he flew all the way to India to introduce himself to my family, convincing them that their girl will forever be in safe hands. Almost like a romantic Bollywood movie ;))!

How did you decide (or not) to call Switzerland home? Was that before or after getting together?

When I moved to Switzerland, I intended to work for few years and go back home. However, after Mike and I decided to get married, we agreed to continue living here. As we both worked full time in Switzerland and Mike already had a steady base here, it made no sense for us to leave this beautiful country.

How do you deal with two languages at home? How do you encourage the “minority” language?

Mike and I are both bilinguals. While we speak to each other in English, I talk to our kids mainly in Kannada (language spoken in the Southern Indian state, Karnataka) and sometimes in English and Mike talks to them in English and Swiss German.

What have been some challenges?

There have been lots of challenges, just to name a few:

• To speak in Swiss German while studying High German, I still have difficulty understanding Swiss German.
• Clean is not the same as “Swiss clean”. It took a lot of embarrassing incidents for me to understand that.
• Most Indian families are deeply attached and interdependent, and ours is no different. Talking to my family or video chatting with them almost every day (which is important to me) was something Mike had difficulty getting adjusted to. But he is used to it now!!
• Almost everything is expensive here, including kitas and playgroups, and so lots of women (including me) either end up giving up their jobs or decide to cut down to stay at home and take care of their kids.

What is your favourite thing about being married Swiss?

My husband and my beautiful kids of course :). Thanks to my husband, I don’t have to take care of most of the paper works related to tax, insurance etc. He has been doing this for years!!! I really appreciate the security Switzerland provides for its inhabitants. Any problem arises, there is always someone who is a phone call away to provide a solution.

Furthermore, the natural resources here are not taken for granted but genuinely enjoyed and respected by the people. I also find it amazing that people know exactly what to expect in any weather and are fully prepared. The best thing, of course, is that we can introduce our kids to two different cultures, which makes it even more special.

 

Your family’s favourite meal:

We are constantly trying different cuisines at home. Mike and our son love the vegetarian meals I prepare, especially Indian. My favourite Swiss food is Rösti. We enjoy raclette once in a while. It is our family get together meal.

What’s something from your home culture that you’ve introduced into your multicultural relationship?

We have Indian food almost every day. We celebrate Indian festivals like Diwali, Holi by decorating our home, preparing typical Indian meals, dressing up traditionally and having friends and family to enjoy the occasion.

Other than that, language, a lot of typical Indian gestures and expressions, traditional decorative arts and artefacts, Indian music are all embedded now into our daily lives.

(In non-pandemic times) Do you get to go back “home” often?

My parents live in Dubai, and the rest of the family in India. So we make sure to visit one country or sometimes both every year. We will surely be visiting Dubai this year, however unsure when things will become normal again in India to make another visit. Hopefully soon.

What is the first thing you grab/eat when you arrive back to Dubai or India? And when you return to Switzerland?

The first thing I have always eaten every time I visit Dubai or India is Dosa (South Indian pancake) prepared by my mother or grandmother. I am always happy to eat home-cooked meals when I am home.

The first thing I eat when I get back to Switzerland is Zopf or müesli. Or the American pancakes Mike prepares every Sunday.

Has being married Swiss-made integrating easier?

I have made a lot of Swiss friends on my own. However, marrying a Swiss and having kids has helped me better understand Swiss ways of doing things, which has helped me integrate better. Also, after having my kids, I have been able to make more Swiss mom friends through Kita, our village playground, and joining mom groups.

Marriage is about compromise, especially when blending two cultures, can you think of a good story of when you have had both compromises because of your two different cultures?

Being an Indian, I am used to being around crowds (BC – Before Covid), while Mike prefers fewer people around. However, with time, Mike has really made an effort to take me to concerts and markets to be around people so that I wouldn’t miss home so much. While Mike (like most Swiss) is more organized and well planned, I am more spontaneous.

Talking about the weather, making plans according to the weather was something I never understood. I used to get annoyed when Mike planned hiking trips in summer when all I wanted to do was sit and read my books. It took me a couple of years to understand that the weather controls all plans in Switzerland!!! Now, I am more prepared mentally and physically to tackle all sorts of weather here.

Rather than compromising, we are learning to enjoy each other’s lifestyle and culture. For example, while I am happy that I am better organized than before, Mike accepts that a bit of chaos in life is ok.

Any humorous misunderstandings?

Many of Mike’ s acquaintances were convinced that he found me in India during one of his Business trips and brought me to Switzerland. We had to explain to them that was not the case.

Some comments I have heard from many people here, which I found to be really funny, were: I don’t need sunscreen as I am not likely to get tanned or sunburns…of course I do!!! And For an Indian, my English is really good … ya ‘cos English is one of the official languages of India.

How do you deal with the question of Samichlaus/Santa Claus /Christkindli/Christmas or other cross-cultural traditions applicable to your relationship?

Until we had kids, we were spending Christmas vacations outside Switzerland. Now, we make sure to spend Christmas, including traditional Indian festivals, at home. I love making advent calendars and decorating Christmas trees just as much as lighting Diyas (candles) and making handmade lanterns for Diwali. While we make raclette for Christmas, we enjoy traditional Indian food for Diwali. We want to instil empathy, respect and tolerance to both our cultures in our kids.

Is Switzerland now home?

For now, yes.